It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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