you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
