What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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