Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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