I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
