I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
