If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
