and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
