We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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