Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
