Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
