i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
