oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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