I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
