somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize