he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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