Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Semen is not good for contacts.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
