census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im holly from the hills drunk
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
