i would punch a child for taco bell
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
is it fun? or sober?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
