um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
