I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How does it feel to date your dad?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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