Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
