Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
