Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
