so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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