thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
did you just send me my own nude
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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