My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
