Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
