do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
