6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
