I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
