The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
