"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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