He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
