then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
