i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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