If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
