i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
