I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
