1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
