This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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