we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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