Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
