Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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