Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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