It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
