Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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