hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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