oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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