just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
