so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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