I cockslap morals
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize