She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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