I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
