The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
