How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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