I would go down on you faster than GM stock
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
