I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
