It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize