When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dicks are not precious.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
