ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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