You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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