I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize