I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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