So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
