I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
