Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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