even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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