Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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