chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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