Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
