I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
