I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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