booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
