I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
