That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
