Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
