i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
where are my eyebrows?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
