also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
false alarm. still invincible.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
vagina is talking i cant
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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