K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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